…you are being brilliant because you are trying so hard to help!

How many of us have had awkward and difficult situations with our Drivers?

How many of us actually notice just how hard we try to help!
Everyday!
In every way!
We just try to help!
Well done folks – keep it up! …. and thank you 

This was my reply to another Driving Instructor’s post on social media:

“There are so many possibilities contributing to your difficult situation.

Firstly – please please recognise how hard you are trying to help and do the right things to ease the rapport you share.

My most common experience (and understanding) of the “I don’t know” is that the person is uncomfortable.

This is not something you have done or not done, but a ‘reaction’ built up in your driver over their lifetime.
Nothing personal!

I might try things like:

– Not asking your brilliant questions (at least for a month or more)
– Giving 3 options for the Driving Lesson (3 options you know are spot on for them!)
– Asking if they want chit chat while they drive or the radio
– Talk a lot less than usual (SO difficult for me!!!)

 
– Take the pressure OFF performance! By saying things like “have a go at getting the car in a bay – not talking – no explanations – just have a go for a bit of fun.” OR “Have a go at turning the car around here in the road. It’s quiet (or dead end) just so you get the feel of driving without having to do it my way”. Try to take the pressure off.
– Ask them to drive for 4 junctions and then pull up somewhere they think is safe etc (make it well within their comfort zone!!!!!!) and then check in with a simple ‘You ok?’
Then do another 4 junctions (or same 4)
– Avoid fault finding! – Ask “what would you do differently next time with the signal?”
– Just ask them to solve one or two – leave the little things! They will work out once your rapport is on the mend! 

… If nothing is safety critical – leave it.
Make sure they know they can ask you if they need help. Simple few word explanation eg “if you get stuck just say help me on this bit”.
Build that rapport and safe space for them to say anything – or nothing.
If you do this and you notice an unusual hazard ahead be very specific eg “think about a safe space between you and that cyclist. Statement not question.
– In my experience, kinaesthetic people like doing it, not talking or hearing about it. If they want to hear about it afterwards, they often want to tell you! They sometimes need time for the brain to interpret what the body knows.
– Be honest!
– Seriously – tell them you are uncomfortable. Short statement. and then something like “let’s sort it!” and a BIG smile!

The pressure I feel when I don’t know what someone else wants me to say or do sends me into a massive hissey-fit-panic. I am strongly kinaesthetic with almost equal visual preferences to learning. I have learned to accept my panic and I can now just dive into the vulnerable state and ask for help – or ask for the question in a different way… didn’t take me long to learn…. 

 … only about 50 years!!!

My old me would listen to long explanations of how to do things – especially from my own Driving Instructor…. to find I had not clue!!! No idea what he was talking about!! Where is the bloody “quarter light” that he kept going on about? I can’t see any bloody lights!!
He explained – asked if I understood – I lied and said yes!!
I reversed perfectly round the corner because I am kinaesthetic and just want to have a go. I knew to keep a gap between me and the kerb – so I did. Car went the wrong way – I changed it.
10 years later I found out what the bloody quater light is!

Like I said – you are being brilliant because you are trying so hard to help!
Keep being you!!!
Take the performance pressure off that person – give it a bit of time. It will blossom!!
Take the performance Pressure off yourself – give it a bit of time. It will blossom!”